It’s a bit of a late start, but I was late to bed last night, and over the last week or so I haven’t really been that bothered about specifically getting up at nine. I’d rather get up and stay awake, which I didn’t do yesterday. Still, having said that, it’s a really bright day outside, so maybe it would be nice to have got up a bit earlier and got out straight on my bike. I’m not quite feeling motivated to do that yet, but that might well change a bit later on. Today is going to be a short day work wise, as I have a concert in London later to go to, but I am not going to let that restrict me to just writing text.
I had another dream last night — hold on, do I really want to talk about this? I feel that there are certain boundaries that I am not so confident crossing, and talking about dreaming is one of them. I feel the same way about having people listening in where I am dictating content using voice recognition — even if most of the posts I publish here are taking pretty much verbatim from what I dictate, I still have the option to go back and correct or delete anything I don’t like. I know this website is all about dealing with mental challenges, and this will often be explaining how I think, and how this relates to the symptoms of the conditions this website is here to help people manage, but do I really want to feel as if I can just let anyone come in and drill through my head to see what I’m thinking? But the reality is that we all have dreams, and that most independent thinkers are extensive daydreamers, or should that be Daydream Believers, as well. Without dreams, there is nothing to aspire to, and life becomes strictly functional. Human nature just won’t accept that, so I think I will have to at least make some reference to what I’ve been dreaming about from time to time, just as much as I have already made frequent references to how I think. So the dream was actually quite a common one — I was at university — was that back at university, or had I enrolled on a new course? I was trying to catch up with the other students — that was always the case anyway when I was at university, but I think this time it was to do with trying to integrate being a student with running my business, and there was a study trip, which involved being given lectures on a train somewhere, either going to Hungary or Paris — you know how you can never quite recall all the details! I think there was a clear point though, and that was just a simple reminder of my long-held desire to build something ‘ real’ as opposed to websites, which I still sometimes just feel are a collection of pixels, text and code.
So is this ambition helpful? It is certainly something I’m trying to resolve within myself, and I still haven’t quite found the best way of doing so. I think there’s another few posts which could come off this particular thread of thought, back later.